Of wondering and wandering: What makes me blog?

“All that is gold does not glitter,
Not all those who wander are lost;
The old that is strong does not wither,
Deep roots are not reached by the frost.

From the ashes a fire shall be woken,
A light from the shadows shall spring;
Renewed shall be blade that was broken,
The crownless again shall be king.”

― J.R.R. Tolkien

As I make my first foray into the world of blogging — well technically, I had made a not-so-successful attempt 5 years ago — I can’t help but wonder: what exactly drives me to express my thoughts and opinions on blog? And if, this very realisation was precisely, what I was lacking at that time.

But, now I know. Or at least, I think I do. Maybe, it’s just a muse. Maybe it’s only an emotional attempt at understanding myself. Maybe, it’s more.

For one, I have a burning urge to be able to comprehend my thoughts and analyse the way my mind (and heart) compel me into taking decisions — quite a few of which have long-reaching consequences, even if not readily apparent to me.

My mind is a wanderer, a nomad yearning for an unending journey, a gypsy who wishes to own, not a piece of land, but a slice of experience.

For another, I have a very fickle mind that is interested in far too many things at any given time. It doesn’t yet know how to pursue a single subject with the dedication and concentration of, say a surgeon on the operating table. Mind you, I can be quite a hard-working and determined soul, in whatever endeavour I choose to pursue. But the number of things my mind takes a fancy to, is far too many for me to be able to do justice to any one of them.

Perhaps, my mind is a wanderer, a nomad yearning for an unending journey, a gypsy who wishes to own, not a piece of land, but a slice of experience, wherever he pauses.

Not surprisingly then, I have been hopping on from one field, domain and niche to another, every few months. And yet again today, I stand at the cusp of a major leap forward in life —  one that far too many of you would identify with — a dive from the natural sciences to humanities.

And yet this leap doesn’t seem like a leap to me at times. I still find myself holding on to both and neither domains, at times. And then, in a bid to please my mind, I somehow resolved to foray into science journalism, in an act of clarity, astonishing even to me.

A world of possibilities seems to be waiting for me out there. In comforting patience. In silent anticipation. In great expectation.

I do not know what lies ahead for me in the future. Or if I have made the right decision. Would I find solace in this marriage between scientific exploration and creative expression? Would I not think about exploring so many other ways of thinking, and so many other ways of seeing and understanding the world?

I don’t know. I wouldn’t ever know. And that’s the beauty of it all.

What I do know now, is that I feel happy for a change, after months of excruciating agony and internal gloom. I can do what I want to. I can read, write and learn the way I wish to, without being bogged down by dogma, authority or convention.

A world of possibilities seems to be waiting for me out there. In comforting patience. In silent anticipation. In great expectation.

My heart doesn’t want to break out of this bubble. For once, my mind doesn’t want to be dictated by cold logic.

Maybe, this is all a way to soothe my mind and comfort my ideals of how life should be lived. Possibly, it won’t last due to a shortage of that crucial sustenance-supporting currency. Perhaps, this is all a Utopian dream.

But, my heart doesn’t want to break out of this bubble. For once, my mind doesn’t want to be dictated by cold logic. And my soul doesn’t want to be imprisoned.

But, truth be told, I’m not an impractical romantic either. I know that a colossal amount of toil, tolerance and tenacity would be needed to achieve my targets. But, what I desperately seek, is to thoroughly enjoy my journey ahead.

So, even though there are great strides to be made before I can achieve my vision, I do not want to wait until I become a full-fledged journalist to start expressing my thoughts.

The journey of a thousand miles must begin today. Not because it sounds inspired. Or poetic. Or even radical.

The journey of a thousand miles must begin today. Not because it sounds inspired. Or poetic. Or even radical. But because, there are so many tiny little entities – my experiences, thoughts and feelings – all waiting to manifest their essence, amidst a swarm of others.

And with such a dramatic flux of entities permeating my existence, I do definitely need a way to channel this vortex within me into something tangible, something concrete, to give them a form and life, a representation of their own.

And to me, a blog seems like the best answer to creating something quintessentially mine — it is the right balance of personal and public, of substance and subsistence, of enlightening and ecstatic, of soulful and sublime, of wondering and wandering — a perfect microcosm of being.

13807025693_671d9096d8_o

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s